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Prayer for Earl and Tiger |
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Our Tiger, who is still mourning the loss of his father,
Hallowed again be thy nickname.
Thy endorsments still come,
Earl's will must be done,
Let us hope that he is now in heaven.
Give us this day the patience to understand Tiger's layoff,
as well as his bungee jumping and race car driving episodes.
And please forgive those among us who dared to question if you really are still dedicated to being the best there ever was.
Lead us not into the temptation of expecting you to win EVERY major championship,
And deliver us from the evil that could come in the form of being married to a swimsuit model, the only force that may be able to strip you of your strength. We ask that you enjoy the spoils of your great victories, but that you not lose focus on the long journey towards Nicklaus that still remains. In return we pledge our undying loyalty and devotion.
Now and at the hour of all our next tee time....
Amen.
In the name of Earl, and of Tiger, and of Nike...
Amen. |
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Hymn to Tiger - A Special Contribution By A Church Member |
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The following is a special Hymn created by a faithful member of the First Church of Tiger Woods and is intended to be read to the music of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy," which can be heard on our home page.
Hymn to Tiger
Dedicated to Tiger by a member of the First Church of Tiger Woods
Tiger, Tiger, we adore thee,
Earl and Tida’s blessed son.
Golfing greats have gone before thee,
Thou the only Holy One.
More than Buddha, more than Gandhi,
This sad world you’ll change and cheer.
Throngs adoring shout before thee
"You da man!" when thou art near.
Records fall in heaps before thee,
Masters, U.S. Open, too.
And the British Open record –
That was flushed right down the loo.
Thy third major in 2000
Was thy second PGA,
Thou art Lord of all the Majors
And Tim Finchem’s World Champ play.
We’ll eat Wheaties, wear our swooshes
Drive new Buicks if you say.
Wear a Rolex if it helps
To keep us in thy holy way.
You endorse it, we will buy it,
Drink Asahi – that’s not hard.
If it all gets too expensive,
Put it on our Am Ex card!
Other golfers cringe before thee
Fearing thee from tee to green,
Thy great putting, chips and flop shots
Show a skill they’ve never seen.
We acclaim thee God of Golfing,
Thou the one who’s got the goods.
Gathered here we bless thy name
At the First Church of Tiger Woods.
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